If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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