I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
