I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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