Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
