He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
