Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
