she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
