You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
