the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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