How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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