That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
