I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
