She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
