Yo dont text me then not text me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
