i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you win again, gameday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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