Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
