he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
