I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
