All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
