My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
