I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
