I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
