You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
