do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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