You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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