and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
