why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
