She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
