Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
no you cant smoke seaweed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
