well you can't waste a boner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
