Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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