EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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