I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
