So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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