Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
