There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
