so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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