Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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