I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
