i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
