the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize