I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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