I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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