lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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