I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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