At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
