New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
