I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
