I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
