it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
