my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
