she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
