My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
