Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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