If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
