Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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