You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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