FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
