that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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