Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
