drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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