Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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