conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
