Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
