There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize