i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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