Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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