At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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